a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
