i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
