I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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