I think I died a long time ago.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize