the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
