She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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