no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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