just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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