Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
