I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
