hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
