i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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