those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
