you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize