so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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