im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
