wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
