what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize