My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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