Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
