he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you have to choose: penises or morals?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
