Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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