someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
