Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
