i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
