the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
