Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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