Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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