This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
