so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
