can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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