he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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