Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
