you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
