i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
