I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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