I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
