Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize