if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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