I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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