We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
