Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
