He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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