And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
