We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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