apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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