omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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