Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
