This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
