i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
