did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
