You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
