I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
