True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
