So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
