i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize