saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
