Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
this hospital has no fireball
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
