do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
