Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
