If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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