I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
where are my eyebrows?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
