So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
