it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
