No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
