My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
