I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
