So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
