Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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