i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
