I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
