my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
