I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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