I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
