2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize