My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
