He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize