a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude i'm inner monologue high
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
