So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize