i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
areolas are like halos for boobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
