I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
