whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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