There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
