By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
