just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
