dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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