i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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