Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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