so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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