I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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