I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's never too late to be topless.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Randomize
