Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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