I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
