even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
