why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
