if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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