I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
