$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
