She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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