I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
