He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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