i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
