If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
