why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
