This dress was meant to end up on your floor
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
