is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
