I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
