Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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