the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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