hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
