It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
