Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize