u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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