Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
