Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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