so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
