The maid of honor just puked.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
