do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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