Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
