I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
