batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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